Hi, I'm Janice. Puppies are amazing creatures. School is the worst building ever created. What were the builders thinking? Music's beautiful. And no, Music is not a person. I mean MELODY MUSIC. Okay? Jeez, whats the matter with you people. Anyway. Have a wonderful day and may butterflies and rainbows follow you wherever you go.

The queen's birthday is a mere months away. Why should you care? Well, rumour has it that she is 67.111% more likely to give awesome things to those who give her nice presents on her birthday. Yeah, that got your attention didn't it? Why collect all your pocket money over months and months for a fancy schmancy perfume bottle when you can give the queen the right present at the right time and get instant gratification.

I'm sure many of you are nitpicking at the teeny flaws of the plan. "The queen isn't open to such bribery," you protest, "Why would she wants anything you could give her when she has the greatest riches in the world? Where did you get those dodgy statistics from? And what would you get the queen?
a) Because everyone loves surprises
b) Never you mind
c) I'm glad you asked, because that's just what we're going to discuss! See what I did there? Discuss and ask... eh, eh?

So what do you buy for the queen?

You're probably thinking you should get her something expensive and limited edition. That is absurd. The queen owns the hugest palace. Anything that you can buy her, she can already buy for herself. She probably even has all the best stuff in the world, all piled up in her huge vault. You can scrimp and save all your nickels and quarters to buy the best thing you have ever seen and she'll say, "Oh how nice. I'll go put it with the others." Then it will be left to gather dust for all eternity, or until someone figures out how to pick the locks on her castle gate.

Then its hopeless! I'll never get a furry wombat for free!

Well, it is if you take that attitude, Whiny McWhinerson. It's actually pretty easy. What you need to get her is something she would never get for herself.

I don't understand.

And this is why we need schools. But I shall explain. Would the queen ever lower herself to playing a lucky draw contest?

No...

And so she will have absolutely zero tacky pencils!

...I should get her a tacky pencil?

What? No. I'm getting her a tacky pencil. And a nice one, too. I was using it as an example. You can think up other things to get her.

...

...Can't you?

....ummm....

Fine, fine. I'll help you. And I'll even suggest places other than the Second Hand shops for you to shop in.

Thank you!

Thank you, what?

Thank you, oh amazing and benevolent one!

That's better. Okay, first, Second Hand Op Shops...

Second Hand Op Shops

The queen is a classy lady. Classy ladies like pretty things. Apply this logic to your visit of the second hand shops and you should find many perfect gifts for the queen. For example, an ocean shell necklace. The queen likes fancy jewellery but she can't possibly afford to spend all her time combing the beach for shells and string them all together.



The Den Of Critters

A den is a place of rowdiness and un-pleasantness. Can you see the queen going there? Didn't think so. But don't you think she might like a pet? Of course she would! And there are lots for you to choose from. But as we've established that you have poop for brains, so I'll choose for you. Get her a pet that mops. That castle of hers is huge and I'm sure she needs something to help clean it! If you don't think that's pretty enough, dye its fibres pink and maybe doll it up with some purple eye shadow.

Beauty Studio

On a related note, why not try the Beauty Studio? Hey, why do you look so horrified?

You want me to tell the queen she isn't pretty enough? Are you insane?

That is precisely the sort of attitude which makes the Beauty Studio perfect! The queen can't possibly go in there without rumours of her not being naturally pretty spreading like... like something spready. Peanut butter on warm bread, maybe. But if you go in for her, she gets the perks of beauty treatment without smug looks everywhere she goes.

The Bakery

Hey, that one's not bad.

Precisely! The queen doesn't want to go to dark, dingy marketplace, but who wouldn't love one of the bakery's delicious treats? Plus, even if she already has the treat you have, it's still useful. It's perfect!

Yeah!

Exactly. I recommend the fish pie.

Yeah! Wait, what?

The fish pie. You know, the one with fish heads sticking out.

But... there are so many nice things there. Why don't I get her a raspberry kolache or a strawberry sorbet?

The queen is accustomed to fancy stuff. You don't want to give her the same boring stuff she usually eats, do you?

Well... no.

Then Fish Pie it is.

Special Foods Stand

If you're really that hesitant about the fish pie, why not walk a short distance over to the special foods stand? There you will find all kinds of delicacies, like monkey brains and pig's livers!

Hang on.

What?

That's even stupider than before.

No, it isn't.

Yes, it is. I think this is a trick.

Umm... no?

It is, isn't it? You want to send everyone in the world off to get the worst present imaginable for the queen so whatever you're getting her looks better in comparison.

I don't know what you're talking about. I have to go now. For unrelated reasons. Goodbye.

Get back here! Hey, where'd you go?

Labels: present, queen, royal, shopping

Hey there bloggers! Before tagging, please note to press enter once. The message will not appear but click the refresh button of the cbox to see your message or click converse again. Sorry for any inconvinience caused, but there are some problems with my cbox. And note: YOU MAY NOT WRITE ON MY BLOG JUST TO LINK YOURS IF I DONT KNOW YOU. YOU WILL BE BLOCKED. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Happy tagging (: 

And here is a list of people willing to put up with my crazyness. Go ahead, click on one if your really that desperate to leave me and my insane blog. 

Friends:
Lydia Ren Rong Carol Ellenie JiaCai Danelia Qi Yan Jing Lin
Hui Xin Eugene Kyne Wei Hao Jing Xuan Joey Thinzar
Family: 

My sister (Esther):

Oh, my sister got tired of my previous blogskin and decided to make me a new one. So here, this pretty purple skin is made by her.
And this is her blog and all her stupid pictures.
And this is her blogskins account. So you can go support her blogskins. But I don't think she even logs in anymore.

You enter a large library filled with big book shelves. And you're pretty sure that this maniac doesn't read books. You slowly creep up on the shelves and slowly investigate, as you reach out to seize one of the pretty books, you get an electric zap, then a threatening voice, presumably a device in the book screams out, "please enter password." In a panic, you drop the book and rush off. You quickly stuff the security locked book into the back of all the other books, and scurry off, pretending nothing happened.